How to Build Real Character as a Muslim Dr Omar Suleiman

So truly beautifying the character like if you think about yourself as parent, if you think about yourself as teacher, if you think about yourself as student, if you think about yourself as child, if you think about yourself as sibling, friend, peer in field of of work, the most beautiful character are those people that try to launch other people because most people they try to pull others down. The nature of man is lowly. Again, that was my my wakeup call in this in this chapter of the mastery of self. Think about the most beautiful people you've ever met in your life. The most beautiful people you've ever met in your life or at least the most beautiful people I've ever met in my life are the people who fit that description of your they love good for other people. They have the most beautiful character. Like they're genu they're genuinely happy for you when when something good happens to you. You know who was person like that by the way. You mentioned him yesterday. Subhan Allah. That man is the definition of good friend. Beautiful character. like anything good that happens in any one of our lives as his as his brothers, he'll reach out and he'll like it's as if he accomplished it. He's so happy for you. So happy for you. Such beautiful character to have when you think about teacher like they're and by the way like you know lot of these they were dealing with sort of the the the the darker parts of what they were seeing in the circles of knowledge. So jealousy between scholars, right? like this scholar is criticizing this scholar and he's claiming that it's because of you know hadith and he's claiming because but in reality like come on there's an obvious jealousy there or teacher that doesn't like that his student surpassed him and the most beautiful teachers are the ones who are proud of their students they humble them they give them good constructive advice but want my student to be even better than me the most beautiful the person who calls to Allah subhana is not the one that's trying to win debate when he's giving dawa right so he can come out and say you know crushed that guy Right? But the one the one who cares so much about the other person entering Jenna that even when the guy kills him when he's killed by his people the man in wish my people could know that's the definition of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Did the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam ever in any way indicate that he didn't want good for his people? He wanted so much for his people. It's the opposite of ego. It's the opposite of envy. Like want you so much to succeed, to do well. So truly beautifying the character. Like if you think about yourself as parent, if you think about yourself as teacher, if you think about yourself as student, if you think about yourself as child, if you think about yourself as sibling, friend, peer in field of of work, the most beautiful character are those people that try to launch other people because most people they try to pull others down. The nature of man is lowly, right? Tries to pull other people down. We don't like people forget there's syndrome, she I'm sorry, man. You're the one that reads all the books in psychology. don't don't read it. just just listen to you. but you know there are the there's some syndrome forget what they call it like where someone gets out of the pot like everyone as human beings everyone tries to pull them back down. Have you ever heard this? What is it? The crab mentality right? So anyone tries to jump out pull them back in. We don't like people succeeding in our loneliness. But is I'm so happy for that person. Mashallah. I'm so happy they succeeded in their It's like in Dra. One of my teachers gave me this advice. You will know that you're finding lasas in your dawa when someone else succeeds and you're as pleased with their success in the dawa as if you were the one giving the dawa like someone launches project that was Muhammad learned that from him he used to tell me and he quotes John Maxwell in leadership on that he goes look one of the things you need to focus on in da'ah and dealing with people is that if you shed light on others you will shine instead of shedding light on yourself all the time you become become the focus of that light. You don't see anybody around you. You know when you stand on the in the stage and the light is on you. You're on the stage speaking in front of you maybe tens of thousands of people. You have seen those moments, right? You stand on the stage in one of those big conferences, the light is in your face and you see nobody in front of you. You speak to an empty kind of space. But there are tens of thousand there. But if you if you shed the light on others, you will shine for. So that's that's lesson learned from Ibrahim Allah long time ago. And that's exactly the the way it should be. As the manif the prophet used to do that sallallahu alaihi wasallam that's sun of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam you know when came to the prophet as young man write down everything you say and the people they said to me no don't do that because the prophet is human being after all he might be speaking when he's angry when he's over you know reacting sometimes and so what do do the prophet don't listen to them just do it you're doing good nothing came out of this but the truth so the prophet was encouraging him to do that Abdahbd he he hugged him and and he he made dua for him like shine basically you shall listen love you for the sake of Allah make sure to do so and so the prophet was always put that light on other people so they will shine and when they shine that force reflect think about the darkness of grudge you know the saying that holding grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die like you're you're you're following you're waiting for their fall you're stalking them waiting for their fall just like shaitan. No. And anytime they don't fall or like something good happens to them, you boil on the inside. How how how consumed of heart is that with something so lowly. So want good for people. Like subhan Allah. Like train yourself. That's part of he's saying you master yourself by wanting good for other people. Alhamdulillah. Be that very encouraging friend when something good happens to them. I'm so happy for you. Mashallah. Not that person like someone else got married. Well, why am not married? And like inside of yourself, you're you like hate that for them. Your envy might burn you up and burn them up in the process too. Someone else got that job. Someone else got that position. Someone else attained this. And it's like causing tightness in the chest. No. Like can't rest until ruin that person. Even if you're not saying it, your eyes like the eyes the eye can can burn someone up. The the heart can burn someone up. Don't do that to people. Don't do it to yourself. Love yourself too much to even to even do that. Instead, watch how liberating it is to say, "Mah, I'm so happy for that person." Alhamdulillah, I'm so pleased that that person got that. They deserve all the good. Even if you know they don't deserve all the good, right? You you deserve all the good. What unfortunately, we have phenomena obviously online right now that many people don't think it's big deal, but it's serious matter. When people they on on social media or on the internet, they usually they love to laugh at other people's miseries. They call them fails, right? You have all these reels and all these trails of people's fails. You find someone's hand is broken, someone smashed their fist in the window, blah blah blah, and everybody's laughing. that's so funny. No, you know, it's so funny when you watch it, but God knows what happened to them, right? Allah, what happened to them afterwards? The idea is that we don't want to get used to that. Like some people, they start even making up these scenarios so they can laugh at other people's misery. They call them pranks, right? But some of those pranks go way beyond being just innocent prank. It becomes extremely extremely dangerous. And that's something that we need to we need to think about and and be careful with. So if you don't mind to wrap that topic, can can read the last sentence? Just the very last sentence of the chapter of mastery of the soul because you'll notice last line is always mic drop in every single one of these chapters. So he says then all right well what about people that actually harm you? What about like finding yourself in that situation? Okay, you want good for people but people don't want good for you. You treat the world right, but the world doesn't treat you right. So he he he ends in this this mastery of the self. Whoever is evil to their family and to their neighbors, then he is he's the worst of them. And whoever treats those who were bad with him in like manner, then he's just like them. So if you respond to evil with evil, if you respond to bad with bad, you have no moral high ground. You're just as bad as those people. And he said, And the one who doesn't respond to their evil in like manner, then he is their master. He is the best of them. He's he is the most virtuous of them. Like person who's risen above their insults. person who's risen above above their lowly behavior. That doesn't mean, by the way, not pursuing justice. There's no harm and no reciprocation of harm. But most of the ways that people try to recuperate harm that's been done to them is more harmful than the harm that was initially done to them. And allahel talks about this in different parts of the Quran. Right? And like when person goes out of their way constantly revenge and and what ends up happening they end up being more unjust than the initial injustice that was done to them. And so he's saying that the person who truly masters themselves is person who doesn't let at the end of the day the behavior of others teach them how to behave. It's like when you know when talk about good character mentions that good character shows in how you respond to people with bad character. If you took all of good character and bad character, all good character is is how you respond to bad character. And so don't let people teach you bad manners, teach them good manners. Don't let people teach you loneliness. Teach them the higher road by your example, by living it. And so this is his his summary of this in terms of mastering the self that you need to hold yourself to different standard than what other people try to subject you to. even when they're when they're when they're evil to you. But she will be find also when he says the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam he teach us this message actually very clearly. He says don't be which means don't be copycat. That's what it means like don't don't just do what people usually do. If you do good you do good. You do bad you do bad. He said, "No, no, no. Don't do this." Like adapt. Learn to do something different. If you do well, you do better. And if they do bad, avoid reciprocating that. Like don't live your life based on other people's standards. You hear it lot from other people when someone when when they do something wrong and you tell them why did you do that for? What is the common answer you get from them? Well, he started it or she started it. That's childish statement. Just like children, you know, you know, well, it's his fault. He did it the same thing. When adults behave in that fashion, that's so bad in divorce. It's exactly the same thing. Subhan Allah. When the children seem more like adults than the adults, usually when Right. But that it becomes you know, it becomes war and you know, you want to hurt the person to the extent and and nobody right now is looking for the for the huck or the truth or the real peace of mind, right? They only seek what? to hurt the other person and they never gain happiness in the process. They never they will never get happy anyway. So therefore in summary what he says over here look you want to find peace of mind don't worry about what people say what their opinion about you as long as you do the right thing. If you do the right thing for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, you're not going to worry about anybody else. And whatever they say, you're free of these worries because your worry is to please Allah subhana wa ta'ala.