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I'm going to be pretty transparent in this video. So, if anybody feels uncomfortable or doesn't want to watch me talk about my childhood, completely understand and maybe the next video would be more appropriate for you to watch. Hey book, it's Kim at Middle of the Book March and today's video is going to be little bit different for me. wanted to talk about how books saved me. And there's very very good explanation for that. it, as said in my intro, this is going to I'm going to I'm going to be fairly honest, not revealing too much, but I'm going to be fairly honest about my childhood and what books did for me. am person who did not have happy childhood and am the oldest of five and who always lived in very small homes. So, we were all kind of mushed crowded together. both parents were not the most functional parents. I'm going to put it like that. And I'm not going to offer any more details. but it was pretty chaotic upbringing, pretty chaotic childhood. was quite often put in the position of mom number two and did lot of things very early that nowadays don't think we would ever expect children to do. I'm also I'm also Gen oldest daughter and basically that means don't mess with me because in my family was the person that made things happen. was the person that got things done. or as like to say it, was the fixer. And it was little it was little not little but it was quite stressful and scary. there was lot of anger and emotional abuse in my childhood and it was there was nowhere to go. There we were children so there was no way to leave to go somewhere. Again, I'm Gen so I'm of the generation where whenever possible, we were outside playing all day. for me, that was avoidance and getting out of there and being able to be somewhere else. and back then, parents were fine with you being out of the house all day. many, many, many times my mother said, "Get out of my house and go outside. Go find something to do." And we did. So, we did. There were five of us roaming the neighborhood along with packs of other kids, honestly. so that was kind of that was kind of the general environment in my house. Books saved me because books were an escape. Books were way to escape reality and to travel to different worlds and travel to into stories. And along with books, school saved me. And lot of times for kids that did not have happy childhoods or came from traumatic backgrounds, school was safe place. And that was that was kind of the same for me. It was love school. loved to learn. school didn't stay safe place because as got older, was kind of the awkward kid and was ostracized and dealt with lot of bullying and things like that. Many which many of us have. but the the part of school that just provided that haven for me were teachers and were the ability to learn and to study and to have goals. and know that there are so many people out there that for them school was the same thing. And can't say enough how much value teachers because teachers have some of the hardest jobs ever, ever, and are grossly underpaid. And know so many educators on book, retired or active educators. And have so much admiration and value educators so highly because some of them were friends and some of them took care of me and provided person listener or somebody that cared. So that was the environment that held on to. So summers were summers were challenging and th fortunately those were the time of year where we could go outside all day and we could find things to do and we could find other kids to play with and we just could leave and escape. So how did books help me? Books pulled me out. As said, books pulled me out of my reality. Books offered an escape. books offered other worlds and stories. And think that's why value reading so much and because love stories. love stories other than my own and love words and word play and literature being art and love all of it. And it's funny because as adults am fantasy lover, but as an adult I'm also realist. And so quite often pick books, whether they're fiction or non-fiction, that are too depressing for other readers or traumatic have traumatic storylines or writing. And there are lot of books out there that just are not good for every reader. But as an adult now, feel like can better handle those books because some of them honestly are too familiar and I've been through something like that and I've gotten through it. So some of those books are almost therapeutic in way. The books want to show you though are what the books relied on as child or as middlegrade reader or as young person reading. was again was so into fantasy to pull me out of my world and this one read don't know few times. was big fan of the King Arthur legends and this one the Once and Future King by th White read this few times and these books are just so so excellent for offering reader just enormous escape. And this is retelling of the King Arthur saga. And it's once upon time young boy called Wart was tutored by magician named Merlin in preparation for future he couldn't possibly imagine. used to used to love the idea of Merlin of wizard. And it just could sit for hours and read something like this. And as kid, you know, or you're little bit of slower reader. And this particular mass market paperback has like 600 plus pages in it. but just consumed this story and think it was all because of Merlin and all because of the magic and the wizardry and and that type of thing. So, think, you know, these days magical system or magical fantasy world or not necessarily series, although I've read series, but anything with magic absolutely gravitate towards. obviously, I've I've talked about this so many times, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and there is nothing better. There is no no imaginary world better than this in my opinion. And imagine my glee when these movies came out as an as was an adult and absolutely adore absolutely adore the movies. but the books just pulled me out of reality and pulled me out of my world. there were so many things. It's just that that advanced sense of imagination that that fantasy authors display and it's almost it's it's like have that that want to say admiration but have that awe of fantasy authors who who create these worlds who create these systems and Tolken is just brilliant was brilliant at this and was such such cure for me in my childhood. The Hobbit. read this in middle school few times. did book report on it. made poster of hobbits. had talked about that in another video. this one was read this repeatedly. And it kind of This is probably the book that introduced me to fantasy. don't think read it for the first time when was 11 or 12. and have since read it multiple times. But again, all these imaginary creatures, dragons, wars, unfortunately, dwarves, wizards, hobbits, and the Hobbit is also in way very cozy book because of Bilbo Baggins and his little hobbit hole and his food and his sleep and his comforts. and just gobbled it up. Absolutely. This one is The Sylmerelion. read this long before probably could understand it. and did do remember enjoying it in weird way, and really really want to reread it, but this is far more complex book that Tolken wrote than The Hobbit or even the Lord of the Rings trilogy. This one is story of the creation of the world and of the first age. Now if you've read the Bible creation story that is also quite complicated but Tolken's Sylmerelion think is just don't know it's so it's intellectual it is fantastical and really really do want to reread this to see if as an adult would better understand this the mythology this fantastical mythology. Now, I'm going to move on to some other types of books that read in childhood that gave me an an escape. For those of us for those of us who are girls who were girls in middle school, Judy Bloom was constant. And I've read several Judy Bloom books, but Are You There God? It's Me Margaret is probably the most well-known. And think read this couple of times as was middle schooler. unfortunately came from family who didn't talk about things that were unpleasant or we kept lot of secrets and my mother never ever talked about what happened during puberty and what happened with girls and starting your period for the first time and didn't explain needing bra and all of that stuff that middle school girls might go through. And so Judy Blooms, Are You There God? It's me, Margaret was almost tutorial in what to expect. And it was digestible for me as as young girl. And it's unfortunately lot of girls go through this. lot of young people go through this of parents that don't know how to talk about just regular bodily functions and puberty and all of that. but this one kind of was like eyeopening and just was resource. sadly was resource. This one is Deanie by Judy Bloom. And this one is girl that developed scoliosis. Now, if any of you grew up in the era that did, we used to have scoliosis testing in in school. And it was one of the most humiliating and embarrassing things to ever go through because line of girls who had to stand in their underwear waiting the scoliosis test in the the nurse's office. It was absolutely humiliating. And so you stood there in your underwear and you had to bend at the waist and have nurse or doctor of some sort check your spine for scoliosis. And that's what this book is about is Deanie who has to wear brace. And again, it's one of those things that parents didn't prepare me for. My mother didn't prepare me for this. It was just something mandatory that you had to do in middle school. And was never more mortified than this. And being able to read this type of book as young girl was just educational. Now, both of these books, ironically, are some consistently banned books in schools. which is absolutely insane to me because like experienced, some of these books are the ones that illuminated and explained everything for me when didn't get that at home. Now, this one, have few high school novels that by the time got to high school, it was like needed to needed to be able to look back on my fantasy novels with glee and with happiness and with relief. But then my reading advanced like all of us all of our readings did. So, some high school required reading absolutely loved. And this one is going to be little weird maybe. This is Ethan Fro by Edith Wharton. It's very slim novel, but this is not happy book. This is very dark, depressing novel, but it it got to me. It hit me and thought it was so beautifully written and didn't at that even in high school, didn't even know how to express why loved it so much and how the events in the book struck me in the heart and the gut. And I've I've read this few times. Still love it as an adult, but as as high schooler, this kind of led into and and corroborated for me that loved literature. loved to learn. loved to analyze books and to talk about them. And in my house, there was absolutely nobody to talk about books with. And honestly, was one of those kids that wanted to read all the time for reasons that I've already kind of alluded to. but was also made fun of because read all the time. And was told, "Put the book down and get outside or stop reading at night with under the covers." And it was something that made my parents angry. And so it was kind of thing where being at school and being able to read assigned books saved me. This one is Charles Dickens, Tale of Two Cities. just adore this book and I've I've only read it couple times as young person and want to reread some of these books that got me through childhood and my teenage years. but you know, this is this is just the best of times and the worst of times. absolutely loved this book. And did not read or love every book that was assigned to me in school, but this was one of those exceptions. okay, three more. this one about every year, every single year in my childhood through high school, got sick once year for about week. could have been the flu, could have been really bad cold, but was in was bedridden for about week and there were five of us, so it went it passed through almost all of us. Every single time was sick in bed, my mother would be there to give me some Campbell's chicken soup, chicken noodle soup, and, you know, ginger ale and crackers and all that type of thing. But when was in bed, almost every single time through my childhood, read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. This is second copy of the exact book that used to read. This this old hard coverver with this original artwork in it. And had this book for so many years and read it every year that was ill. my original copy, this exact identical book, got from flea market one day that my family went to and over the years lost it. found this one by accident in used bookstore and almost put me into tears in the store because had to buy it and did and think spent $2. Now actually the pencil price is $4. but just dove into the world of Wonderland as child, as sick child. This one was middle started reading this in middle school, probably early middle school. And this is gorgeous copy that Clara just bought me for Christmas. This is Little Women by Louisa May Elcott. This is so gorgeous. just beautiful physical object. But Little Women read several times, did book report on it in middle school. it's not fantasy, but it's at different time, different era. and class that's what that's what classics also do for me. It's it pulls me out of the current day in the culture that we're living in and the absolute insanity that we are witnessing right now, especially in this country, but around the world really. There's so many horrors on the news and there's so much uncertainty. And even when was young, there was so much uncertainty in my reality that book like this pulled me right out of it because it was world that didn't live through. And just the stories. It has the ribbon bookmark. It's such beautiful object. Just the story that pulled me out of my reality in the era that was in. And the last book will come as no surprise. don't remember the first time read this. again probably was too young to ultimately understand the tone of it. this is one of the collector editions of Weathering Heights by Emily Bronte that own. This was gifted to me few years back by Britta Bowler. It's again, it's such beautiful physical object. but same the same reason for Little Women. It it pulled me into time period that was complete escapist reading. the story, the gothic nature of the story, the tone, the the characters, all of it. It just acted like fantasy novel. And don't remember when first read it, but read it repeatedly through high school. brought it to college with me. Read it repeatedly in college when was feeling anxious, sad, depressed, uncomfortable, which is an irony because this is dark, depressing, obsessive book. And it's that's what it does though. Some classics do that. They pull you out of your contemporary reality and bring you to time that for for us for me was totally unfamiliar and it's also the writing for me. Classics have such different types of writing and am person who exceptional writing is almost probably number one on the reason why love books. So that one hits all of it right in the gut right in the heart. So those are my reasons for why and how books saved me. many of us who read voraciously I'm sure have similar stories. have seen other booktubers who have talked about this in the past and am so grateful that have this in my life that have books and that have reading. And there are times even in my adulthood that feel so acutely when see somebody else going through difficulties and or trauma and they don't have something like reading to to fall on to to pull them out of what they're dealing with. that could work in the opposite way where it pulls you out so far that you deny and ignore. but for me it's it's coping mechanism and it's passion in my life. can't imagine not having it to lean on. And that's why feel so sad when when see somebody that doesn't have something like that. It can be free and it and it you can do it in your own home and you can you can go to the library to have place to escape to. So all those things are so valuable to me. Let me know if if you've read any of these books and or any books that you read even as young person or child that meant so much to you that helped you get through some hard times. And will see you all in the next video. Bye everybody.