Working with Families Module 1 2 0

in this module we will outline some specific ways to work with clients families in relational way as we will further explain working relationally refers to recognizing or noticing patterns of interaction so that we can find the value and how people relate to one another particularly interaction that demonstrates respect for one another and mutual benefit key emphasis in module 1 was the importance of seeing the family as unit as opposed to group of individuals we look at the dynamics or the spaces between people and that becomes our primary focus we notice and recognize how people relate or interact with each other rather than the individual behavioral traits of each family member we hold on to the principle that the family is more than the sum of its parts beginning work with family in good way is crucial the first few steps set the tone for the relationship we want to be an ally to the family someone with whom they can feel trust and genuine partnership as professionals coming into the family's life we must take the lead in setting the tone of cooperation and respect they may have had experiences with other helpers that were problematic and we must be willing to create new relationship that is based on mutual respect and care in this module we developed three themes theme 1 building relationships with everyone in the family and relevant persons outside the family building strong connections with each family member and others who play significant role in the family is vital with many different perspectives within family it is tempting for professionals to choose sides to agree with some members and to disagree with others however it is crucial when working with families to find worth in each family members position and perspective whether or not we agree with the ideas that each might hold this same principle applies to all the helpers from various fields who may be involved in the family's life it is common for families experiencing trouble to have multiple helping professionals involved and those helping initiatives need to be supportive of each we call this the principle of multi partiality we are partial to all persons and their views agreement is not prerequisite though understanding is theme to parenting as great deal of the work with client families involves issues of parenting this becomes major component of social workers or counselors skill set learning about and holding parents ideas and beliefs regarding parenting is very important first step to successful talk about parenting it is also critical that family worker can clearly articulate his or her own ideas regarding parenting as well as being able to understand and appreciate other parenting approaches theme 3 monitoring successes attention must be paid to how we make room to examine and appraise our work with families we must be able to gauge how the work is going so as to make necessary adjustments along the way ironically this starts right from the very beginning adapting our work according to feedback helps us stay relevant to the family's needs and progress no family worker can do this perfectly but the skills to stay attuned to family's needs are essential and worth the time invested seam 1 building relationships with everyone in the family and relevant persons outside the family we keep our eyes on all of the relevant relationships inside and outside of the family and may seem obvious but to work relationally we pay attention to all relationships and the nature of those relationships some key questions to consider when getting started with family include one who should the social worker counselor engage with when working with families in relational ways immediate family all the children parents only extended family those who live together members of two households this issue of who should be included is to be treated quite seriously as it holds major implications for good start of knowing the most complete story and consequent success to who should decide this spending time deciding upon the best start and best way to go forward is wise investment we asked families this question directly and we asked for their thinking behind their answers we also have voice in this based on our professional judgment 3 how should these conversations relationships be organized this is pretty important to have input from the family to attend to issues regarding safety feuding between family members formal legal restrictions and so on employing these questions in our beginning work with families will elicit an enormous amount of information about dynamics and assist in developing working relationship with our families the tendency in good family work is to be inclusive as much as possible whenever there is choice to include or exclude the tendency is to include especially at the outset inclusion sends message that all participants and their voices are worthy and important over time some family members or other professionals may take on differing roles some more involved some less involved therefore the inclusion question remains an open question to be regularly revisited in order to make adjustments as we go along with families meeting with the family is not straightforward uncomplicated idea we usually think of family work as with the nuclear family but who constitutes the family who lives together full-time who lives together part time who holds emotional responsibilities economic responsibilities are there other persons who have major say in how the family operates the question of the inclusion of children cannot be presumed either are there issues adult issues and should young children be present can the children be helpful or disruptive to the process what about adolescents and their roles and contributions thus it is important to know who is involved in what capacity and who might be helpful and wanted in our work together please remember that we as family workers also have voice in this matter and that the first decision does not need to be permanent or final many of the families we work with are also involved with others formally and informally making their social networks fairly large it may be helpful to develop some questions that probe the many areas that families are engaged with neighborhood church school workplace recreational arenas volunteer organizations professional groups internet relationships historical relationships persons from other locales or political connections one of our favorite assessment questions is to ask who is invested in the success of your family and to be honest we do not take nobody answer here because we have found that even when they give us this answer and we have probed we have found that there are others who are helping willing to help one of my favorite stories comes from working with single mom and her three daughters the problem was that the daughters were constantly bickering amongst themselves and making excessive demands upon their mom while criticizing each other for mistreating mom and when things got really heated one by one the girls would storm out of the house and not return for day or two at time leaving mom upset and feeling powerless when asked them who was invested in their success as family of young women being guided by more experienced woman and who could form team around them Vega fought and said everyone around them was stupid and did not understand anything then merely asked them to think about it that would be asking again after they had chance to think and consult with each other the next week met with them and they wanted to know why was asking about anyone else explained that sometimes we need to lean on those supports when we are frustrated they again said no one so said need to ask you one more question about this if you're Network people that you had mentioned or in previous talks heard your answer to my question who would be insulted by your answer all they said was and then they proceeded to list those who are on their team based on further talk with mom she decided to ask the four most important people from their list to be on the girls team all four were women and agreed and plan was created when things in the house became heated mom would text them with the message team needed the women would come over and have tea with family sitting around the coffee table merely telling stories of their day engaging all members of the family with no other agenda than to listen to or tell their own stories this is just an example of interrupting some destructive arguing patterns without the need to be overtly or formally helpful it is also story of powerful healing because of the relationships who are the other professionals families are connected with and with whom you work social workers psychologists psychiatrists doctors nurses teachers school administrators school counselors lawyers judges workers from other agencies priests or pastors getting together with other professionals seems to be very difficult because of conflicting schedules and professional mandates even when there seems to be disagreements and how to work with families and makes good sense to find ways to collaborate just as with families we look for places of agreement and cooperation with other professionals we do the same different fields and disciplines may organize their work with families differently prioritizing different aspects rather than see this as conflict we can appreciate what different perspectives bring to understanding families as with families utilizing open-ended questions with other helpers can be more engaging than confronting or challenging others viewpoints being genuinely curious and interested and what others bring is an optimal stance and collaborating with other helpers it will also help us better understand families positions and decision-making and it gives us the opportunity to be an agent of small change developing joint strategies and agreements with families and helpers requires skill in balancing the needs of everyone compromise is always required but no one's views should be dismissed or omitted this is an area where our conversational skills can carry the day to relevant and important intervention one might logically think that developing strategies and agreements would involve loss of deal-making listing of expectations or goals and stating what you think ironically for family workers the best tool is asking good questions these questions invite others to share their ideas and to listen carefully to one another the shape of the questions are open-ended and encourage people to embrace their motivations and desires rather than just state behavioral demands or requirements persons come away with joint strategies but with much more they come to understand where the other person is coming from to work well with others family members professionals non professionals we propose some questions to hold close how can we communicate that we join with all relevant voices and people work with family once that consisted of father and mother and three children after couple of meetings one of the children mentioned that they had discussed our last meeting with Grandma inquired about grandma and found out that she lived in the family's basement after each of our previous meetings the family would return home and be interrogated by Grandma as to what had said she has supported what said or criticized him grandma served as sort of sensor to my comments in the sessions invited grandma to come to the next session and she did her voice was very prominent in the family and only made sense to include her in our sessions she was inserting herself anyway by deception debriefings each week so overly including her in the sessions was an acknowledgment of her presence and relevance what are all the agendas that must be acknowledged valued and fulfilled other workers who work with the family have mandates and procedures in their work - ignoring them is unfair to those workers and their contributions if we want our contributions to be validated by others we must validate others agendas other agendas could include managing risk and focusing on protection timelines and deadlines for courts or Child Services budgetary issues and providing services managing excessive caseloads personal opinions or biases and history of prior work with the family what else must be understood and embraced to work most efficiently get it all on the table and seek to find out missing information this last point reminds us that there is no complete or full understanding of an issue so we always need to be ready for what we have not yet thought of Vicky Reynolds has referred to social work as an imperfection project meaning that we always deal with non complete information and yet we have to make decisions and move forward we suggest some critical thinking questions in our work with families for example what might we be missing what might we be misunderstanding what are we assuming if we were at the receiving end of this plan how would we react worked with family that seemed very frustrated with their son so much so that thought they were at the breaking point began discussing out-of-home alternatives with them this led to strong reaction toward me in which they explained they were not wanting to talk about placement they were frustrated yes but not to the breaking point was misunderstanding their frustration and taking it into unwanted directions once heard school counselor tell some parents that should put up behavioral charts on the refrigerator at home the family responded we are not our child's accountant or bookkeeper this reasonable suggestion by the school was taken as unhelpful and not useful knowing the parents better might have allowed the school counselor to find workable plan that fit better with the parents understanding of their child and behavioral change although simplistic it can be quite helpful to imagine if you were on the receiving end of therapeutic suggestions or interventions how would you react to being instructed to act differently with your children please notice the use of we in these questions the we refers to the family plus us because now we have formed therapeutic system each with proportional responsibility and voice for moving forward it is also part of working relationally we are we now we suggest some planning questions for example how does our plan or action show our clients that we care for them how does this plan or action fuel hope what is realistic in this plan or action and what is long shot what is appealing intriguing or compelling that invites joint planning or action that can be sustained if we do not ask these questions we are in danger of stereotyping feeding our biases and doing that which is merely convenient rather than what is optimal notice that the form of these questions is open-ended they invite adding details group of helpers may differ in their responses to these questions and that's okay the variety of responses can add depth and breadth to our knowledge about how to best help this family we have in common on this slide we offer some ideas for going forward when the going gets muddled or difficult get more information to understand how what is disagreeable makes sense if we jump to conclusions we do not have enough information in the condition of partial understanding we may fail to see how certain positions make sense when child welfare worker wants my client to take parenting and domestic violence classes need to understand what he or she is hoping will be accomplished may guess the answer but there is strong likelihood that could be mistaken keep workers informed with small reports or letters of progress in questions when meetings or phone conversations are difficult to arrange writing short notes or reports can be way of keeping one another informed as to what is happening ask for meetings with multiple voices to encourage range of possibilities burn from agendas where the stretch is workers may want to help but feel pinched in some way we need to come up with plans that allow everyone including the family to join in if father cannot take time off from work to come to therapy do we just do without him what steps could we take to include him if client does not follow through with set plans do you continue to operate what those plans as is or is this call to revise the plans on how to work together develop plans that make lives and work easier and shared if you think that an expectation is unreasonable you can advocate for meeting or conversation to review that that is to discuss your concerns and alternative ways to achieve the goals speak from position of social justice if worker says privately to you that the child has no chance to return home or they are waiting for until misstep this appears to be dishonest relationship is it fair or just that this behind-the-scenes story is allowed to operate what can we say stand up for honesty and integrity and our collaborative relationships with families and workers the same would go for bad-mouthing the child welfare worker to the family interpersonal integrity can quickly get lost all the way around handling disagreements or unfairness --is with policies is not the easiest part of our job and yet we cannot turn blind eye so we encourage the following learn how to talk question from social justice perspective this could refer to school policies court procedures or orders or child welfare protocols that seem to work against family's best interests or their integrity examine how we might consider policies from the vantage point of the families impacted by them who does this policy benefit who is excluded learn where the stretch is in the policy policies usually have some room within which to maneuver practices emanate from policies and the specific ways policies get articulated can vary may be we can consider other practices that could just as easily emanate from the policies than what we currently have examine the ethics of the situation social work ethics both the code and ethics more generally understood are worth consulting when policies seem to be producing disagreements and unfairness 'as the ethical basis of our profession serve as guides when conflicts or disagreements emerge we often consult with our colleagues about ethical positionings to obtain multiple viewpoints and possibilities question the track record of effectiveness policies are meant to be regularly examined and evaluated policies must serve the purpose of helping our clients families periodically policies undergo revision and the experiences on the lines provide relevant material from which to adjudicate the effectiveness or worthiness of our policies as critical thinkers we can ask about issues of effectiveness outright ask for time to think and consult if you are being rushed then your agenda is not priority slow it all down consultant supervisors and colleagues when challenging situations or decisions arise going it alone when facing dilemmas is always dangerous by way of example we once worked with an 8 year old boy who was found with knife he had taken to school on the face of it he broke school policy and should face the consequences further examination of the situation revealed that he had been persistently bullied for weeks at school and no one who he had reached out to for help was able to help him so he took matters into his own hands strict interpretation of the policy would punish the boy and the bullies may not receive any consequences this narrow interpretation of an important safety policy bypassed larger issue that of school bullying which is just as serious safety issue as carrying weapon they both can lead to harm to many persons and can contribute to toxic environment at the school one could make the case that bullying policies and practices should gather our attention more vigorously than policies that only address parts of the problem another example is that often times troublesome policy has to do with means testing to receive services granted school resources are limited and so it makes sense to have criteria to select worthy recipients but one of the unintended consequences is to encourage applicants to have to demonstrate levels of incompetence to be considered worthy of receiving help this can depress performance and incite people to develop profiles that demonstrate weakness or incompetence policies that have good intentions can sometimes contribute to problematic behavior we need not whitewash policies all policies should be improved from time to time even though we have problems with certain policies they have basis in some logic at least at spa certain point in time here's story that you might have heard to illustrate to illustrate practices and the reasons behind them girl asked her mother why she would cut the Thanksgiving turkey in half before putting it into the oven her mother simply said because my own mother did it that way so the girl went to her grandmother and repeated this story and asked why the grandmother had cut the turkey in half when she was preparing it for the oven the grandmother said because in those days in the olden days the ovens were only half the size they are now the solution that was created years ago has now been transferred down through the years even though the solution back then is no longer applicable today knowing the reasons for the policy you may be able to develop some alternative strategies this is not matter of just saying no in summary include as many voices as possible when working with families collaborating with all family members and external helpers maximizes the chance for positive outcomes how can you simultaneously engage with persons who are in disagreement the question about engaging with persons who are in disagreement with each other is vitally important skill we need to constantly practice this skill to be an effective change agent theme - we are adding section to this presentation that focuses on parenting given that it is such major part of working with families professionals who work with families and their children must in our view one come to understand what principles and beliefs parents hold regarding good parenting and to have clear idea of what our own ideas of good parenting are and how to support families when there are strains and parent-child relationships there is no Universal approach to parenting but helping professionals have clear sense of what they believe why they believe it and how strategy will work in the context of the family one does not need to be parenting expert or become parenting coach to your families but oftentimes questions arise about what is best for child and we need to draw upon some clearly thought-out understandings another point of emphasis we would like to discuss is the importance of the words we use in parenting oftentimes parenting programs talk about principles procedures strategies rules discipline etc what is often omitted are the words we actually use in enacting or parenting we will spend some time offering some specific examples of how to speak to children exact phrasing not so that anyone must copy those phrases but to see specific verbal illustrations of what conversations with children could look like there must be recognition that families may hold different beliefs and values about raising children that makes it imperative for the family worker to understand his or her own views and be able to create relationship with families whereby they can listen to alternative views parenting is one of the family issues that arouses great emotion and it can be easy for everyone to become defensive when talking about parenting practices therefore one of the places we begin is to find out what principles parents hold and adhere to or try to in making their parenting decisions unfortunately many parents cannot articulate their principles although we see that they have them so we help them say them aloud because we can use them as base for evaluating the effectiveness of their parenting practices or the strategies that we develop with them some examples of principles that parents have been have include being fair being generous giving their children good life being responsible for children's health and growth teaching them how to behave properly taking responsibility or how to be good family members and more you can see that parents aim to teach and guide their children although at times they go off the rails because they have violated their own principles quick assessment for when things are going badly is to ask which of their principals their parenting practice has upheld and which of their principals the practice has violated and this way we never have to tell them what to do we only need to appeal to their own ethical sense of what parenting should be and to hold tight to their parenting values and principles but reflecting on one's own practice is difficult and can create vulnerability and anxiety we might have to help parents see some things in different light some examples follow frequent parenting issue we encounter is children crossing over into adult roles one of the principles we find useful as family workers is to support the idea that parents are the adults and they have the rights and responsibility to raise their children make decisions in their best interest and show love and kindness we then associate those with the parental principles we have spoken of an example of difficult situation is when children are in charge sometimes children are placed in roles or given voice when they are asked to make adult decisions for which they are not equipped sometimes they have become self proclaimed controllers the rulers for example children who will not shut down electronics refuse to go to school or do chores or get up in the morning or participate in family functions and so on while the viewpoints and ideas of children are always valuable they are not in position to make the complex decisions that parents and families must make we believe that placing children in charge of what happens to them or in charge of family change is an injustice what parental principle would this situation be upholding another common issue we encounter and family work around parenting is that parents engage in repeating their instructions and expectations to children endlessly parents we work with have admitted this is the most exhausting thing they do and effect have become quite predictable to their children parents will often accuse their children of not listening but we think is that problem of not being taken seriously asked an eight-year-old how many times her mom would have to repeat an instruction such as brush her teeth before she would do it she told me time 11 that's when her voice gets shrill and she's likely to do something else like get up we try to help parents be taken seriously at time one or two and be true to their principle of being in charge but if it doesn't happen we urge our parents to continue to take charge of ending the interaction rather than having the child end it by not honoring the request by saying something like dear this is not going well we will try again tomorrow am sure we will do better tomorrow in our view there is no harangue no repetition only message of hope and expectation now some parents will claim that this will not work because the children will think they've won we frame it as calling it into the interaction maintaining the status of being in charge over time children get the message so the caveat we offer is that this is not fast but it is effective energy saving more in line with the kind of parents that they have professed they would like to be and sustainable another pattern problem we see in parenting surrounds discipline unfortunately the discourse of disciplining has morphed into punishment and more times than not parents feel justice punished when they punish their children when we have asked parents what they were hoping punishment would achieve they usually answer with version of we're trying to teach whatever responsibility housekeeping hygiene being true to their word or something else so we can help them with teaching which is the act of helping someone do the preferred rather than simply avoiding the non-preferred once they have shown or expressed to their children how they want something done or enacted they ask the children if there are any questions to make sure all is understood once sure they can all go forward we then help parents prepare for the case that the request is not honored by designing some language that fits with their principles and places responsibly on the children for example some parents may say we noticed that you did not complete your chores even after you said you had no questions how shall we understand that they can then decide if they find the answer acceptable or not and then parents can consult with one another or think about how they want to proceed and get back to the child later another example we can provide is when there has been string of violations or lack of cooperation by child when child asks for something from the parents like money or ride to social event they can decide if they want to do it or not if they do it it is because they want to be generous and helpful and if they do not do it it can be tied to the string of violations with saying something like would love to but I'm still hurt by whatever transpired earlier so am not in good position to be generous today maybe next time but parents get to decide what and when to deny rather than threatening and forecasting what will happen this keeps parents in charge and strong but not nasty and it does not invite push another pattern we are noticing with the families we work with has to do with acting and speaking violently which often baguettes varying degrees of violent responses we understand that the stakes are high as children and adolescents are engaging in dangerous behaviors to counteract inadvertent and unintended violence we refer to some ideas regarding what is being called nonviolent parenting system of ideas largely developed by an innovative psychologist from Israel named time Omer we will provide some references for his writings at the end of this slideshow to continue we will share the following set of five propositions based in Haim OMERS work that we use and adapt to family situation and context proposition one is that if parents and/or children conceptualize conflict in terms of winning and losing the greater the risk of escalation and deterioration of relationship when situations are frame by parents and children to be one whereby one person wins and the other loses the chances of conflict escalating is great it is easy to hear and recognize families who talk this way and use this kind of languaging parents need to lead in finding ways to solve dilemmas of daily living that did not bring the issue to an either-or juncture parents need to find third way third way or even fourth or fifth way canvasses can be designed from what they want to achieve what they want to convey to their children and the principles they hold near and dear we can help them with this would be an example of how proposition 1 could be voiced it's not the only way but one way we would like the disagreement we are having with you to not end up feeling like somebody wins and somebody loses how could we deal with this where we both come away respected and valued proposition 2 from hi i'm omar states that when emotions are running high in conflictual parent-child relationship the odds of successful resolution are very poor it is more likely that the tension and conflict will rise this point reverses the old adage that says strike while the iron is hot with this way of thinking it is wiser for parents to strike when the iron is cold we rarely are able to make good lasting decisions when we make them in the heat of the moment in an emotionally charged parent-child conflict we suggest that parents take time to think and reflect before reacting so they may feel the need to jump right in if the immediate situation is not an imminent emergency there is no need to feel rushed we suggest that parents might say or we will need to think carefully about this we will consider the things you have said and then we can talk again later this respects what the child has said by virtue of saying that parents will carefully reflect upon it and it allows the parents time to think it through before rendering decision this increases the chances that the decision is sound one carefully examined from number of angles this also keeps the parents in charge of the emotionally charged situation and not the child homers proposition 3 offers the idea that typical behaviors and arguing that include threatening blaming and screaming only serve to escalate the Troublesome conflict and participants usually respond symmetrically with even greater intensity even preaching apologizing or begging seems to encourage the conflict to maintain itself when parents engaged in these strategies when dealing with their children the outcome will most likely be negative and usually in violation of their professed principles wise man once said when you find yourself in hole the first thing to do is to stop digging using the tactics outlined in proposition 3 is an indication you need to do something different maybe stop digging parents who lose control risk losing contact with their child either through the child's withdrawing or perhaps they're fighting back most often using escalating tactics with children they also bring about constructive and lasting change and it is violation of the parents on parenting principles and values proposition 4 warns us that incessant conflict limits our abilities to have any other kinds of relationships all other possibilities for more pleasant interacting become lessened the very tools we need for resolution seem diminished in the throes of hostilities that are frequent or constant when parents feel that relationships with their children seem to be narrowed and only conflictual the quality of the parent-child interaction drops dramatically the chances to enjoy one's children is seriously reduced proposition 4 reminds us that if all or most of our interactions with our children are negative and conflictual the chances for good interactions in the interactions are reduced we become boxed in to the negative and it could feel as if our parenting options close in on us proposition five states the importance of finding other ways to effectively resolve conflicts so as to open the possibilities for relationships between parents and children that are more broad not everything is colored by the negative feelings involved in the conflictual area parents must be able to take the lead in breaking the cycle of conflict not simply reinstall and over again this requires great deal from parents to be the big person and take the lead in creating new ways of relating with their children the children may not be immediately open and happy but the parents must resist falling back here are some suggested phrasing we do not like what is happening between us we would like to find different way could we think about some other ways to handle our moments of disagreement parents need to take the lead in breaking conflictual impasses this can be difficult if we are an emotional if we are in an emotional escalation being able to express genuine interest in having different conversations with child models effective conflict resolution for the child in this way parents are demonstrating parental leadership sometimes parents get to point of major frustration with their children and feel powerless and frustrated in knowing what to do these situations can arise from big or small things one-off moments or long-standing difficulties what can one say in moment like this the following statements represent an example of what parents could say in the face of escalating violence within the family these next five slides are quote from hi I'm overs work that illustrates the exact words that parent might use violence has made life unbearable for us we cannot and do not want to live like this anyway we will do all we can to change the situation except attacking you physically or verbally to this end we decided on the following this is statement that commits to not using physical or verbal escalations the parents are taking stand against violent conflictual interactions we shall be consistently present in your life this slide states that the parents have no intention of withdrawing from their child's life despite the tension and uncertainty they take stand against giving up or walking away we shall no longer remain alone with problem but shall appeal to relatives and friends tell them openly what is going on and ask for their help and support the fear of shame keeps people quiet and isolated this statement affirms the position of reaching out for help within the family and friends networks isolationism is not part of the plan anymore we shall determine alia posed the following behaviors and then you list those behaviors this lays out what the problematic behaviors are from the perspective of the parents it specifies them thereby avoiding criticizing everything the child does we have no intention whatsoever of subduing you or gaining control over you this message is not threat but an expression of our supreme duty of parents and human beings this statement defines the obligation the parents feel and the intention to fulfilling their parental responsibilities Ulmer statement represents statement of parental principles and outlines the parents concern for the child and the obligation to stand with them through tough times in cases of escalating conflict with children parents report becoming frustrated and running out of options this often leads to parents engaging in punitive practices even though they do not want to scripts like the one we just presented have the important value of allowing the parents to stay within their role parent without turning into the kind of parent they never wanted to be they returned to being in control of their behavior as parent and this is very important to them the anger violence and escalating deny the parents the kind of relationship they prefer with their children another key element in the earlier script is the statement of non isolationism many times families who are facing stress with one another embrace code of silence whereby they isolate themselves from sources of support outside the statement rejects the idea that the family's problems are secret and that parents openly look for advice guidance and support from trusted others breaking the silence is vital component of separating from the stranglehold that escalation and violence exercised on families in summary then family workers should be clear about parenting principles they support and be able to articulate them learn and respect the parenting practices of the parents with whom they are working non violent forms of parenting offer more constructive options for parents and children than violent forms question how can you support non-violent parenting with parents who believe in violent forms the positions we have taken regarding non-violent parenting look good on paper they are logical and they make sense but for parents who are embedded in escalating and violent parenting interactions how can we prevent these ideas so that they're able to seriously consider them theme 3 monitoring successes we think it is important to monitor our movement and success with families we are not really talking about evaluation and particular evaluation of any person they're talking about taking some time to talk about our conjoint work together to offer feedback and impressions to help chart our way forward we see this is relational activity and that it is done together and usually strengthens the relationship we have with our families and also does not need to take all of our work with families is considered work in progress it is never finished and it is never perfect we need to constantly appraise our progress with the families and to make necessary adjustments as needed we actually prefer praise rather than cess in order to include strengths and successes by tracking we mean regularly taking look at what we are doing and appraising the effectiveness relevance importance and necessity of what we are doing basically we track to see where our work is good and where it needs some revision or adjustment to keep it good or get it back to good by renegotiating we mean joining with our families to figure out how to go forward which practices to maintain in which to stop redo or Institute this is not unilateral process it is collaborative and relational the comments and talk are about all of us our work together not an evaluation of family or therapist but the therapeutic system we we study what we have done and what adjustments may need to be made in gaining feedback we need to ask for it in open ways that allow the family members to express their real opinions with the power differential between social worker and client family families may be reluctant to express how they really feel additionally social workers may be defensive and hearing feedback particularly if it is at all critical of the worker in asking for feedback we must be certain we want it and will use it if family offers feedback that we reject they will be highly unlikely to give it again this is why the formulation of the questions we ask is of utmost importance on regular and ongoing basis we like to use every very easy question such as how are we doing is this what you're expecting from our time together today is this the conversation that would be most useful to have today how is our pacing what things are we not saying that should be said we feel that we can insert these questions at any time the answers give us the information we need to modify our work so it stays relevant and meaningful the process of feedback needs to be mutual and reciprocal providing feedback must be honest and hopeful highlighting the problems or failures over the successes and potential serves to discourage our goal is to be honest but being confronted and critical without being supportive will reduce the likelihood that the family will be able to profit from the feedback we all like to be acknowledged for our successes and good qualities particularly when we feel down or hopeless the family workers job is to inspire and courage not to degrade and depressed here are some more questions we offer for tracking and renegotiating what do we see when we look back over the work we've been doing how are we doing where are we succeeding and where do we need to work harder or smarter what else must we accomplish you can hear from these questions that we are giving room for commenting on processes all along the way we are curious about what else needs to be looked at attended to or worked on in order to say we are making headway these are questions for everyone in the family everyone in the family will have viewpoint on this and should be given the opportunity to speak even little children there is no set timing for any of these questions they could be done within 10 minutes of coming together or at the end of every meeting there is no need to wait until the end of our work together at that point the opportunity for adjusting is gone we repeat that this is time to reflect on successes as well as shortcomings it is to give credit where credit is due and to realistically look at what more needs to be done the only to only criticize is to court disaster no matter how bad things seem to be movement toward improvement need to be nurtured discussions about success or solutions is an inclusive discussion some perspectives may highlight success in ways that other perspectives do not we offer some reflective questions that are relevant for cross professional work as well who gets to say what success is who gets to take credit for the success is success an all-or-nothing experience what is the permanence of success on the other hand we should be prepared to make adjustments to our work for example goals can be useful guides for us and can provide direction when times get difficult it is also possible for goals to be revision holding on to goals that do not serve the efforts to change can stymie improvement goals should provide positive stimulus not produce blockage we offer some reflective questions that invite feedback about our original goals with our client families once goal always the goal what can create the stall what are the implications of changing goals what are the implications of not changing goals in the spirit of being transparent and inclusive with our families we offer these questions as prompts for discussion with our families originally we said whatever it was as goals what are your thoughts about the appropriateness of these goals at this time especially given all that we've been doing believe that goals change with time could we take another look at our goals to see if they need revision so that we do not miss anything important sometimes the feedback we receive seems negative we prefer to see these moment of setbacks or frustrations as simply opportunities to develop better understanding of our clients family positioning the worker to be more constructive and optimistic this is important for the family as well as for the worker in the same spirit of staying relationally positioned with our families we think that the topic of completing our work to be reflected on especially if we want to end well who should decide be involved what is good time to begin talking about closure what is good time for closure should it be permanent here we offer some questions to use with our families as we come to the end of our time working together actually they seem like transitioning questions rather than ending questions and we have often been rewarded with celebratory responses that everyone can embrace as they move forward we are getting toward the end of our time together what else do we need to do before we finish what will what will we want to say about our work together when we are through what will be the signs of successful completion in summary consistent feedback about our work together with families helps us stay on positive course towards change feedback must be honest but must also provide hope question how does one set up the circumstances whereby family will provide honest feedback about their work with you the power differential between social worker and client family may create conditions whereby honest feedback is hard to get and to give the skills involved in asking and in receiving feedback is major social work skill that needs lots of our attention we hope that these two modules provided you with some useful ideas on how to work with families relationally we find family work to be very exciting and challenging at the same time these two modules have just served as an introduction to family work many more topics deserve more attention but we hope that this opened up the door for you specific strategies on how to work with single-parent families multi-generational families families struggling with members with disabilities or trauma life experiences all deserve special attention work setting also is consideration some social workers work in offices hospitals or in family homes much of what we have presented our principles and guidelines much work is needed to practice dealing with specific scenarios supervision and consultations and regarding specific families is useful to fine-tune how these principles can work in the real-world practice situations here are some citations for hi I'm overs work that we refer to in ours earlier slides there are many useful books and videos on how to work with families in relational manner the