How to Build Relationships With Students High School Teacher Vlog

One of the questions get the most from people is how do build relationships with students? So, want to talk about two things in this video. One, why think it's important to build relationships with students. And two, how do you do that? Even if you are introverted or brand new, you have an accent that's different than your students, you look different than your students, you come from different place than your students, you're too old, you're too young, you don't have enough hair, you have too much, you're different religion, you have face tattoo, you're not as rich, you're not as poor, or you're from Kansas and you just moved to New York City for the first time, you have no idea who these kids are. So, let's get into it. Here we go. Building relationships with students gives you an insight into their lives that you would not normally have. So, if someone's acting fool that day and then you find out that that morning, you know that they are in foster care, that they are living with an uncle, that they that their mom just got out of the hospital, that someone's sick in their family, that they just found out their girlfriend's pregnant, all that is insight that's going to change the way that you feel. So, if someone doesn't feel like doing work, you're not going to take it as personal affront. You're going to realize that they are doing it because they have these extenduating circumstances that they, as young people, don't have the tools to know how to deal with yet. giving having relationship with students also gives them an opportunity to know who you are as human being. And anyone that who's ever taught knows kids get super weirded out if they see you like in Target or at the grocery store cuz the kids have this idea that like you just teach, you just grade papers, you just read on your extra time and you wear tie all the time. So those pajama pants, although they still might not be good idea in reality that you decide to go to Walmart in, kids get extra weirded out when they see you outside of like regular clothes. What don't want to do here is give you the wrong idea. What you're not doing is telling the kids every single thing about your life, right? So like if you and your girlfriend got into an argument or your boyfriend cheated on you or you're having difficulties with your pregnancy or or you don't like the principal, I'm not sure those are great things to bring up. mean, if they're in context and and you feel like it's something that you can share with students, the fine line we're walking on here is the difference between friend and mentor. Now, I've shared deeply personal things with my students before, but it's always as way for me to get them to share what's going on with them. So, currently teach at all boys school. Boys in my ne in my school are do not want to share personal information willingly. But if find out that someone's grandma died or their grandfather died or their mom has cancer or their dad disappeared from their life, if have story from my own life that can show kids that know little bit about that world that they're dealing with, can show them that vulnerability, that hurt, will share that. will out vulnerable the kids. And I'm not sure that's real term. think that's Reynolds term, but can share with them the fact that lost my dad, too, when was four. And it's all right. Like, here's how got through it. But you need to know that it turns out okay. took care of my mother until she died when was 21 and that was traumatic experience for me. dealt with depression when was younger or sucked at math when was going through high school. Sharing things like that with kids lets them see that you're actually person and that you actually deal with things also and that they're not alone. And to be honest, most of us in life feel like we're alone with the problems that we have anyway. So why not let students see little bit of that and help them to feel like it's not just them that's dealing with stuff like this? Having that insight into students lives also will help the people around you as well. So if another teacher is having hard time with the student, you might just have the answer to their to their question to their riddle to their problem with the student. You might have the insight that says, "Hey, you know what? He had rough start this morning with his mom or his dog just passed away or he showed up at school. his pants were all wet from the rain and he didn't know what to do and now he's aggravated about it. You you will have the answers to those questions. So, that's my why. Here's the how you build relationships with students. To give you little context on myself, I'm 40-year-old white man from America. grew up in the suburbs of New Jersey in neighborhood where we never had to lock our doors at night. now teach in neighborhood that's quite different from the neighborhood that grew up in. My students, on the other hand, are all from Philadelphia, most from inner city Philadelphia. Many come from single parent family where mom is working two jobs to make things happen. Some kids are raised by their grandmother. Some kids have two moms. Some are in foster care. Others take care of themselves. Some kids are from neighborhoods where they're afraid to leave the house during the day because they don't like what's going on outside. Some kids like video games and Pokemon, anime, manga, comics, football, baseball, polo, Fortnite, building stuff, making art. And so what I'm not trying to do here is have this idea of who am or who grew up being is right and what they come from is wrong because it's different. But what I'm trying to do here, and know lot of teachers have this sort of savior complex where they're going to like descend down upon students where the children have been eagerly awaiting their arrival for them to teach the most interesting lesson that they could ever want. think you can get to place where kids care about what you're saying or listen just because they know you and because of who you are to them. The point I'm trying to make here is that to really build connections with your students to really get somewhere with them to really impart the knowledge or the content or the behavioral expectation that you want that kid to have to know. You need to meet them where they are so you can bring them up to where they need to be. Here's what that could look like. Maybe it's awesome that you love Kendrick Lamar or Band of Horses or Taylor Swift, don't know, whatever you're into, but maybe your kids aren't. So when you came up with that lesson based on that song or that book that you really liked, it just kind of fell apart when you tried to teach that in front of the kids cuz they didn't care about Game of Thrones or and know that hurts. know it hurts. It hurts me when talk about Walking Dead and no one cares. But what you want to do is meet kids with things that they are interested in. And that might mean that you need to go buy some manga comics so you can have some idea of what that world is like. You might have to go see movie that you're not interested in. You might have to watch show that you're not particularly interested in, but you do it the same way that when you want to get strong, you do pull-up or push-up or you go for run. Not because it it's like your most favorite thing ever because you know you're putting in the work that's going to get you the result that you want. Embarrassingly enough, years ago, there was show in the United States called Jersey Shore. Never watched the show, but knew all of my students did. Everybody knows the situation is not liar and the situation is if girl rejects me, I'll say it. You know, I've never lied. I'm not going to lie. Get over it. Nothing happened. I'm not going to lie. You are lying about me hooking up recently with you. So, one night realized was going to go home and was going to watch Jersey Shore, which is little bit awkward cuz that show is little bit provocative and my wife walked in the room and thought was watching something shouldn't be watching. But then then had to convince her that like I'm watching this because the students are interested. Pun. Babe, it's not it's not me. the kid kids are watching this. All that to say, Jersey Shore came on Sunday nights. made all of my vocab lessons that did on first thing Monday morning based on Jersey Shore. So, was using current relevant material that my students were already interested in that they were already thinking. How is Reynolds going to talk about this situation this week or what happened with Snookie and what the heck was her name? JLo. Jenna. Jayla. something. Whatever that other lady's name, how is he going to spin this into the lesson? And you're building interest. You're building excitement. based on something the kids are already interested in. And so the next part of that game is when do you find the time or how do you find this stuff out? Right? Classes are busy. You're trying supposed to be teaching from bell to bell and being academically rigorous and all that other stuff. You do that by carving out time before school, after school, during lunch, in between classes where you're just real quick asking kids like, "Yo, what did you watch this weekend? Did you watch anything? Did you stay up until the JCole album came out last night? Did you see that skit on Saturday Night Live?" Those quick passing things show interest in students and they know that you care, that you're actually interested in what they want to know about. And it gives you quick bits of insight into who they are and what makes them tick and what they're excited about. My favorite way though to do this is to have lunch with my students. Two times day, every day, eat lunch with 20 to 30 students in my classroom and ask them all manner of questions from where do you live? Where'd you grow up? Who lives at your house? Do you have girlfriend? How'd you meet her? What's your favorite movie, TV show, car? What do you dream your life is like in the next 10 years? What do you like about high school, not like about high school? What you find is that kids are more excited to talk to you than you ever thought they were? If you think back to when you were your students age, whether they're in kindergarten or they're in seniors in high school, adults rarely talk to children like they're adults. They talk down to you like you're kid all the time. And remember my parents' friends would come over and they'd ask me one of two questions. how's school and are you playing sports? And then after that, that was all they wanted to know. Nine times out of ten, think that's an official statistic. Children are not used to adults talking to them like they actually matter, like they have something to say. And so giving kids that opportunity to open up and to share who they are with someone is usually met with more excitement than you thought it was going to be. And so what do you do with that kid that doesn't want to share? The kid that doesn't want to talk to you about stuff. Well, there's two things. One, either that kid needs to talk more than he realizes he does, and you need to try and sort of like break that child little bit, like help them to break the silence and and open up about what it is. And the way you can do that is by talking about not the problem, but what is other stuff about you? Just get kid talking about anything. Yo, like your haircut, or you got the new Jordans. Do you have these ones? Have you seen these other ones? Who do you think is going to win the NBA Finals? Like whatever that kid already wants to talk about, that is the gateway to much deeper relationship. Because when that child has bad day, when something happens, when something goes wrong, when they feel depressed, when their girlfriend breaks up on with them, they are going to come to you for guidance because you have already invested in that child and now they will feel far more comfortable being vulnerable and open with you, which is going to solve whole host of problems. And for the kids that you can't get through to, that do not want to talk, that no matter what you do, they're not going to open up, you can either bring another teacher in maybe, and maybe that will help soften them up. Or you just realize that not every single kid is going to become someone that is that is trusted student of yours. have relationships with most of my students, very, very good, deep relationships. But not everyone, just not everyone's down for having relationship. And that's fine. Just so long as they know that I'm here, that exist, and know you're important, just leave that with them. What you're looking for is the majority of your classroom. As Malcolm Gladwell would talk about the tipping point, right? You want to have the majority of those students so that you can win the classroom over. Then when you have lunch with student every day and you talk about Jersey Shore or Avengers or the new Little Uzi mixtape, when you know that stuff with kid and they try and act fool in your class, there's no chance that's happening cuz bro, what are you doing? Like we don't have these issues anymore. And that wins more times than you would ever think. The problem is it takes work. It takes commitment. It takes consistency. You have to sit there with those kids every day. You have to watch stuff you're not interested in watching. hear stories that might make you want to fall asleep sometimes, but at the end of the day, this job is always only about the students. When you remember that, you're willing to go further outside of your comfort zone, being vulnerable, talking about yourself, listening to other people, or being interested in things that you wouldn't normally otherwise be interested in. This is big topic. Those aren't all of my answers. If you have any questions, do me favor. You can shoot me an email. You can leave comment in the section below, and I'll get back to you about it. If you have particular student that you're having very hard time with or class that's very hard time with or other teachers that you're having very hard time with, don't be afraid to email me. I'll send stuff back to you. It's all confidential between us. And look, before you run, hit the subscribe button, hit that little bell thing that's around here somewhere, cuz that will let you know that my videos are coming out. And if you think that someone else could use this advice, if you think someone needs that little nudge or that or explained this way, go ahead and shoot them this video. There's share thing below. It looks like an arrow or something. I'm I'm real technical. know all my techn I'd love to be able to help as many people as can. That's it, guys. Peace.