Halal Types Of Dating Does Marriage Kill Love Expert Shared Key Tips

Dating is haram, but how are we going to know each other? like her, but she's not religious person. Will it get better after we get married? Why do spouses become distant from each other over time? Does marriage kill love? The divorce rates are so high. So how can person be sure to find the right person? Okay. Everything you say is good. But what if don't have any money and want to marry? But there is halal types of dating. have done hundreds of nikah and of course I'm very sad to say have done hundreds of counseling. Maybe divorce. It's wajib for you to get married to help you stop the haram. Your wife, she's going to wake up. She's going to look at you like this and say, "La ilaha illallah, this man? The rest of my life? Allah Allah." You're welcome. We want to know about you. Can you please introduce yourself to us? I'm your brother, Yahya Adel Ibrahim Born in Canada. Living in Australia. Egyptian heritage. Married to Turkish. So am your neighbor almost. Masha’Allah, masha’Allah So am an imam in Australia. Imam in Australia does nikah and does divorce. Talaq. It is difficult job. We see the baby come in and we see the body go into the qabr. It is blessing from Allah (swt) So in everybody's life we have moment with them. new boy and then also janaza. In marriage and also, may Allah protect us, in separation, divorce. have done hundreds of nikah. And of course, am very sad to say have done hundreds of counseling. Maybe divorce, may Allah protect them. -When person wants to marry girl, he doesn't know how he is going to do that. Dating is haram, but how are we going to know each other? What is the procedure to get married? Dating the way the kuffar do it, the way people who don't have good Islam in their life do it is haram, but there is halal types of dating. So just say you find somebody who is the right person. Can find it from Facebook, Instagram, Twitter? am not going to say where from. There is somebody you think "this is somebody is the right person for me." Your job is not to make in your mind love story. Most people, they get themselves, their heart breaks because they create love story, especially sisters. They make Bollywood movie. It's khalas, Titanic and you know finished. You have to follow the deen. Three simple steps. First step when you make this like about the person, it has to be for more than one thing. You as human being, you are made up of three parts: physical, intellectual and spirit. Ruh inside me, nafs, aql, mind, badan, body. If look at girl, at woman, only for the body and there is no aql and no nafs, I'm not going to have happy marriage. If say, only want the deen" and look at her audhu billahi minashaitanir... It's not going to work. If she is beautiful, does namaz. But when we talk, our minds have no connection. It's going to be hell. So you have to have balance, nafs, ruh, aql, You cannot have one and miss the others. So if you are looking only yourself, when you are looking, you don't look at all three. So who's going to give you the real truth? It's not going to be yourself, and it's not going to be your best friend, or her best friend. It's going to be other people who you ask and trust. Your father, your mother, your friend, her friends. Take the more shura, mushawara, the better. How do you know if you should even ask? Well you need to talk to her. You need to meet her. And sometimes you might, the moment you say "Assalamu alayku- audhu billahi..." Finished. You might see her as being beautiful, but she might see you as somebody else. And not because you want, it means the other person has to want. So if the physical is together, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said if the physical is okay, matching, then aql. You have to have conversation. He say to the Sahaba, "Did you sit close enough that you can look in her eye, talk to her?" "Did you talk to her?" Talk to her first. How do you do this? It's that you do it in place where you are not alone, and you do it in place that is with the permission of the families. Cannot be on its own. But doing it where? like her from distance. And I'm not ready for marriage. don't have any- any job, any future yet. And they say, yeah, yeah mashAllah." Then you are playing with the laws of Allah. But if you are ready for marriage, and you see somebody ready for marriage, then you should not wait. But invite somebody between the two of you who can connect you. Don't you have this in your culture where somebody come and they put the shay (tea), and she might put shakar or she might put salt, right? We have, we have. If she doesn't like you to come to visit the house and she's like "Audhu billahi minash-" Instead of putting sugar, she put salt. You take it and you leave. Right? Some cultures, they have this. Yeah, we have coffee culture. For example, you want to marry girl and your family is okay or everybody's okay. You go to that house and ask for permission to get married from the family. So there is coffee served. And the girl on every condition puts some salt, some pepper in it. And the- the guy takes the coffee and drinks it. If he drinks it, this means that he's going to struggle all the difficulties in the marriage. If it doesn't, the situation is suspicious. Yeah. Alhamdulillah, never had to do this. Mine was very sweet mashAllah. Allahumma barik ya rab. Everything's okay. What about the procedure? Should we wait so that we know each other more? There's no "know each other more". Sadly, 69% of marriages that are love marriages end in divorce. That's statistics in the Western world. don't know about here. 69%, seven out of every ten who get married get divorced in the first three years who meet each other like this, you know? met her my- 28% of marriages that are introduction. Somebody who knows me, somebody who knows her. Say "Yahia, she is good one. think you should." "Do you want me to let you to be together?" talk to her mother." You talk to your-" When it's introduction to introduction, it's only 28% divorce. But we are taking in our religion the habit of people who are failing in their life and we are putting it in ours. want to ask question on behalf of the cameraman. Yes. Okay. Everything you say is good. But what if don't have any money and want to marry? Just want to preserve my iman. -Then marry somebody who doesn't have money. Everything is good. That's why said don't be very rich, marry somebody very poor. Don't be very poor and want to- Even if she is poor, we need money. Yeah. Okay. Then marry somebody who's willing to accept the amount of money you have. -Does she exist in the world? Okay, then- Then that's the answer to the question. See, marriage can be haram, can be makruh, can be mubah, can be mustahab and can be wajib. It can be must, it can be recommended, it can be okay, permissible, it can be disliked, and it can be, junah, haram. Haram if marry somebody without being truthful about something that is going to hurt them. Haram to marry somebody when don't have the fulfillment of the things marriage requires. House to give her, accommodation, to feed her. It's haram. You can't marry someone and then say, "Listen, don't- "I'm homeless." You are now with me." Haram, because this is dhulm. This is oppression. Unless she is homeless like you, unless she is like you. Or "Okay, live with my parents. have my room." "Do you-" Is this okay for you and your family?" Sometimes you begin your life. You are still in room, but you will end your life in castle. Too many people like this. All of us like this. You begin your life small, but you begin working together, pleasing Allah, putting hand in hand, not doing it for other people, but for yourself. There are many good women, many good brothers who will marry somebody who is- who is willing to work hard and start. That's what mean. Marry somebody like you. It is makruh to marry somebody for the wrong reason. Sometimes somebody get married just because want to be out of my house." Some woman, maybe at home, they are not happy. Father is too hard. Mother is too hard. Not enough room in the house. just want to get married. Any man, any child. just want to get married." She doesn't think about the- So she get married to somebody. She don't want to be his wife. "But just want to leave." That's makruh. Not good to do. Mubah is you want to get married, and Allah has said choose who you want. Mubah can be, Allah protect us, second wife. It's mubah. It's not recommended. It's not makruh, it's mubah. Be careful. It can be mustahab. Somebody, he have money, he has his job, alhamdulillah. And now he is the right age to recommended to get married. You shouldn't wait. want to do Hajj first." Okay, maybe. want to help my family for-" okay, but it's better for you to get married. Number five. Wajib. Somebody who is ready to be married but doesn't get married but is doing haram things. It's wajib for you to get married to help you stop the haram. The divorce rates are so high even in the Muslim communities. So how can person be sure to find the right person? You will never be sure of somebody being the right person. And you know my uncle, he told me, "Yahya, when you come to get married" this before was married, before find my beautiful wife, mashAllah, may Allah protect her, Songül. My uncle said, "Yahya "when you get married," "it's like buying watermelon. On the outside looks green." "You might hit it." "You think it sounds right," "but you don't know until you open." "That's when you will see." You don't know until you are actually get married. So it's not about "Do have to be sure before?" It's "Do have the right signs that this is good match?" And good match does not mean perfect match. Nobody is perfect for anybody. I'm not perfect. How can expect them to be perfect? Right? So we want to learn about those signs. At least. That's very good question. What are signs that somebody will be good match? That their future plans and your future plans align together. That their past experience and your past experience is the same. So you might be surprised when said, you know, my wife is, her ancestry is Turkish, my ancestry is Egyptian. What is the same between you? No, it's very same. She was born in Australia. was born in Canada. She never lived in Turkey. never lived in Egypt. She learned in the English language. learned in the English language. She comes from family who practiced Islam, who value Islam. come from family who practice Islam. She kept her origin, her culture, her language, her food, her friends. kept my culture, my language, my food, my friends. What makes similar is not Turkish or Egyptian, is that my past experience, my future experience are similar. Even if we are not ethnically similar. Because what makes us together is tawhid. La ilaha illallah, Muhammadun rasulullah. So although the language may be different, mashAllah, she speak Arabi, speak, won't speak Turkish, but little bit. So you then find in that is barakah, and kahyr. In that is barakah and khayr. How was your experience, if it's not private, introduction? My wife, mashAllah, she used to work in the place that used to work. She was an account manager and see her mashAllah. There is no "Hahaha" None of this, mashAllah. MashAllah hijab, good person, different culture. But yani, she's Turkish, I'm Arabi. But am friends with her brother. So we used to play football together. So say to myself, "Okay, let me get to know him. Let me get to know her cousins and other people." want to know the family because as Muslims, we don't marry person. We marry the family, we marry the community. Her brother, good man her sister’s husband, good man, enişte (Brother-in-law), good man. They are tartib with me in hajj, mashAllah. Good people. We are together. So say okay. So call my father in Canada. say, Baba, there is somebody who like. She is here. She is Turkish family, not Arab,. want you to come see them. He said "Okay, "tell me about them." will come next week. Tell me about them." So take this and this. say to my friend- my friend, her brother, say, "Listen, want to come to have tea in your house. want to meet." you know." He goes "Am allowed to come and have tea?" "Okay. Yeah. Let me ask." So he ask his mom, he ask his baba, he ask her. She say "Yes, come." So visit the house before my father come. And mashAllah. It was good. say, "Can ask my father to come and join? "He's coming to visit me." If he comes next week, we can bring him?" "Yes." My father, when he come, he say, don't want to talk to anybody except her first." He come off the plane, he say, "You put me in restaurant, "Tell her which restaurant. We will have lunch together." will talk to her." He stay with her 3 hours. never know what happened until now. Wallahi. What they talk about? don't know anything. He come out of the restaurant- "What happened?" She leave. She go back to home or work. don't talk to her. "What happened?" "What? What did you ask?" "Nothing." "What do you mean, nothing?" "Nothing. don't know." He talked to her. He wants to know from her something. don't know what. He make sure that she is right for me. He tell her everything about me. She asked him, he said, "You ask me whatever you want." don't know what she asked. don't know what he said. But this is, this is the sunnah. This is our deen. So he gave her everything. say, "Okay, what now?" He said, "Okay, call them. "Say want to come visit them." So they say, "Come, we have dinner tomorrow." He stayed two weeks mashAllah. Before he leave, we do our nikah. That's how quick it was. Two weeks, we do nikah, one week later we do walima, big party. Then the next week in Canada. Three weeks, three nikah. Too much money but alhamdulillah. What would you say if someone says that like her "but she's not religious person." Will it get better after we get married?" Always when we get married we want to think about the future. So it's always good to think about the future. Finding somebody who is religious, and who is practicing Islam is good thing. But it's not the only thing. The Prophet (sas) asks us to prioritize it. We should have somebody who has love for Allah, fear of Allah, who has hope that Allah (swt) will help when things are not well. But at the same time, also worry that sometimes we look at the outer when we talk about religious. What do we mean? Is it just how we dress or how we say certain words? Religion, of course, sometimes begins in the heart, and that's only seen by Allah (swt) would ask that the person look at the person as complete package, so see what their education is, what their family structure is like, what their age and job and occupation, life- life mission, what they want for the future as they begin to think about "Is this the right person for me or not?" Never make it about one answer to one question. Even if that question is mashAllah, they're religious or not. So being religious is not enough for you? Not enough. Would you marry your wife if she was not religious? Alhamdulillah, my wife was religious. And would marry my wife if I- if she was not religious? No. When you say not religious, what do you mean by not religious? mean somebody praying five times day, fasting, these kind of things. Yeah, but what if, okay, what if somebody prays five times day most days and some days they miss one? Are they not religious or want to be better religious? It's one of those things where maybe sometimes we are looking too deep from the outside rather than from the inside. So being religious is not just praying, but behaving, other things you mean right? -Being religious is for Allah azza wa jal. It's with Allah. It's not with us. person can be sitting in front of you. They look religious and they're not. had one sister, was her- made her imam nikah kitab, mashAllah. In the beginning they- she said, he's going to make me very happy." He had big beard mashAllah. Wear the nice clothes mashAllah. And then after three or four months she came and she said, "Sheikh Yahya, you know, married the fajr beard." He have beard of somebody who pray fajr. But he never pray fajr. So married the beard, but never married man who prays fajr. So if you look just for the beard, if you look just for outside, and you don't- are not careful by looking at everything else, their 'amal, their akhlaq, their family, their habits, their friends. If you don't look at more than one thing, you are only asking for trouble. Why do spouses become distant from each other over time? Isn't it possible to preserve life like in the early days? Does marriage kill love? Marriage is the pursuit of love. We are not ever going to be in love until after marriage. Before marriage, there are five stages to marriage. The first stage is called In Love Stage, where everything looks beautiful mashAllah. You come, you visit the house. No nikah yet. You come visit, mashAllah. She sits. Your eyes, You have glasses make everything beautiful. Second stage is Honeymoon. You do nikah. Honeymoon. Everything's sweet mashAllah. Third stage is called Conflict. Conflict has to happen with everybody. In the middle of the night, after your honeymoon, one month two months, one year, go by, your wife, she's going to wake up. She's going to look at you like this and say, La ilaha ilallah. This man? The rest of my life? Allah Allah. What's going to happen? You are going to look and say, "Allahu akbar", that's it. Nobody. she do this. don't like this. don't-" You begin to make list in your mind. don't like this." So because you make list, she make list, and now you say don't like this." She say, don't like this." You begin- the plane begins to fall. Stage number four is called Pull Up. You have to learn how to fight with each other, but not break each other. Rasulallah (saw) he say, "The woman, she is made from the rib of man." If he tries to break the top, he's going to break everything. You have to learn to enjoy life, even when there is something different to you. You have to listen to her thoughts, understand her mentality. Maybe she is- You are going from here to here straight. Maybe she go little bit this way. But she wants to go there. Let her go. This is the sunnah of the Prophet (saw) She is from- she is going to go little bit around, but she will get to where you want her to get. Leave her. So that stage number four, learning how to fight with each other. Fighting is good. Fighting that is respectful, no bad words, no misbehavior, no hurting the heart, no hurting the body, expressing yourself, but not trying to hurt the other person is good. Number five is Pull Up stage, is Autopilot. You go up and down, you know, not too far, not do that. You fight, you save yourself. Autopilot becomes like our parent. 50 years old, mashAllah. 60, 70 years old, married their whole life, sometimes happy, sometimes not happy. But they know each other's limits. Is your plane in autopilot? Always in autopilot. MashAllah. Sinking, up. MashAllah. What would you advice to your daughter, when she's about to marry? You have one minute. -The advice of the sahaba. One of the women of the sahaba, She said to her daughter, "Let him only see clean things "on your clothes," on your body, in your hair, in yourself." "Let him only smell something good on you. "Be careful when he's hungry," and when he's tired and need sleep." "Be careful with the children "you have that he sees" "you are looking after their education" and that you are not just throwing his money away." number five and six is, and this is good. "Help him to do what Allah asked him to do." Subhanallah. Anything Allah asked you to do? Help him. Suhoor? Make it for Ramadan. At time for tahajjud, wake him up. The Prophet (swt) said in the Hadith Muslim. Allah's rahma fall- come to woman who- She woke up to pray at night Tahajjud. If she saw her husband sleeping- She say "Come on, wake up you can pray,too." He say "Leave me alone." She took some water and not pour the water. No, no pouring She take water and you go like this. They both wake up. They pray to Allah before- subuh before fajr, so Allah bring rahmah into their home. Help him in what Allah asked him. If you have those things together, wallahi my daughter, your daughter will be happy.